134 - 60.3 - 3

Happy holidays friends!

If you're wondering what the numbers in the title of this post mean....they're Kadi's! Here's a little comparison for you on what six months of injections can do:

 June                                                             December

127cm (4.17ft or 50.04in)                 134cm (4.4 ft or 52.76in)

50 lbs                                                                60.3 lbs


Below 1st percentile                                           3.2%

^^That my friends, is a complete miracle to us. She's doing so well. Things that other people would never think twice about are huge steps for us. Last winter, we could barely hold a conversation with Kadi. Her brain was completely starved and malnourished. A few weeks ago we were sitting in a turning lane yielding to cars going the opposite direction, when she noticed that we had a green light (solid green, not an arrow) and asked why the cars going the other direction were able to go and we had to wait. That might seem like nothing, but I could have started crying. That shows she's able to differentiate and problem solve. That part of her brain couldn't work last year.

We had a great holiday and are missing it already. I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. Everyone is more giving and cheery than the rest of the year. Sorry, but it's true.
We spent time with Taylor and her family as well as both of our families. Taylor's mom gave us a book filled with pictures of all of us. The ones we took this fall, both girls when they were little and my favorite part- the essay Taylor wrote about her and Kadi for school. I have read it 100 times and still get butterflies. She is a special girl, that Taylor. I've been bugging her to write something similar on here but I haven't convinced her yet.
My husband- the only one on earth that could stand to vow his life to me deserves a public apology. A week before Christmas I sent him out with my Christmas list that I thought was reasonable and he came back with nothing. Absolutely nothing. I assumed he was getting the new Tahoe that was on the list since there were no bags.  I asked him where he went, he told me the mall (nothing I asked for was at the mall). He told me he was just brainstorming and thought of something but hadn't purchased it yet. I got on to our credit card account, nothing, I checked our bank account to see if he went to the ATM, nothing. The night before Christmas Eve comes and the girls earned one present each by eating all the horrible dinner I cooked them. I secretly wanted to make Matt feel bad so I let him open one of his too. There I sat with nothing, feeling sorry for myself. Matt said he felt bad that I didn't have anything to open, but who are we kidding, he was laughing inside. He thinks I'm a spoiled brat, which I think is a little harsh, but who doesn't want gifts on Christmas!? Anyhoo- Christmas Eve comes, I gave him a bad time all day and told everyone we came in contact with how much my husband sucked. (I'm sure you know I was being sarcastic). We went to 5:00 service and I fixed dinner for us and my parents. At dinner, I gave him a hug and told him although I was a little disappointed, I still loved him like crazy.  After dinner we went to open gifts and magically, a box full of gifts appeared. The reason he came back with nothing is because he had THOUGHT AHEAD and had his mom order my gifts because he knew I would look on our credit card. That man. I can't even stand how amazing he is sometimes. Why he loves me, I'll probably never know, but he does, and I feel like the luckiest person on earth. Although I love getting gifts as well as giving them, I do know the true meaning of Christmas and that is most important to me. I really do have a heart and hope that no one takes me seriously most of the time :)

That's it for this time folks. Happy New Year!

Sisters by Chance, Friends by choice

May 7th, 2009. 8:15PM
That is the day I worked up the courage to bring a piece of my past, back into my life. I sent an email to another Mom. I had never met her. I knew she went to the same high school as me but had graduated before I was even a freshman. I knew she lived down the road from me growing up, I knew she was popular, I knew she was friends with one of my best friends growing up, I knew she was a mom. I knew she was the mom. I knew she was the mom to Kadi's half sister. She had no idea Kadi existed, even though I knew about her daughter before Kadi was even born. I was scared out of my mind and when I bring up that message from 2009 I can tell how nervous I was just writing it. You have no idea how someone is going to react to the news you are about to tell them. "We have daughters that are half sisters." Thank the Lord above that she didn't go nuts on me and tell me to never speak to her again. She was the nicest, most open and helpful person I could have hoped for. We have been friends ever since. We've run into each other over the years with the girls and we just smile and talk like nothing is weird or the fact that our girls look crazy alike! I remember one time Kadi and I were in line at the grocery store when Taylor, her younger sister and her Dad were checking out in front of us. Taylor and Kadi stared at each other for what seemed like forever. They were just little tots and probably were just curious about each other but I was anxiously waiting for Kadi to look up at me and wonder why the girl in front of her looked just like her. She didn't, of course.
As time went on we kept seeing them at random places. Taylor found out about Kadi and wanted to meet her. I wasn't quite ready to bring that up to Kadi. She still has no idea why she went to court one day and had to celebrate her dad actually being her dad. Her mind is young and it's just hard for her to grasp something that she's never seen or heard of. To her, Matt is her Dad. He is the best Dad. He is her only Dad and no one will ever be able to change that. Her adoption was even a closed adoption so it looks to anyone that might try to dig it up that she was born to him, just as she was to me.
Recently I was talking to Betsy, Taylor's mom and decided I was going to ask Matt what he would think about Kadi meeting Taylor. I was scared out of my pants to ask him. We don't talk about that part of my life. Up until now, it hasn't meant anything to us and isn't an enjoyable thing to reminisce about. Now it does. We have a NEW family. We have a new daughter. I look at Taylor and her family as our extended family. They have a piece of us in them, and them in us. We got together on Saturday and spent the day doing girl things with our beauties. It was perfect! We felt it was so precious and perfect that we were ready to share it with our friends and families. I didn't mind my friends messaging me on facebook wanting to know what on earth was going on. I didn't tell many people Kadi had a sister before this. I knew they were messaging me because they all love Kadi and were ecstatic for her. Then I heard that people who have no connection to the girls were trying to pry for information on why they were sisters. Isn't that obvious!? They don't need to be picked apart by anyone for any reason. I caution anyone that comes in contact with our girls to please be courteous to them and realize that this is all new to them and they don't need people asking them questions that they don't need to answer. They love each other and have an unspeakable bond. We've seen them every day this weekend and I know Kadi will feel lost when she doesn't get to see her tomorrow since it's a school day. Just remember, every time you talk about someone in a negative way, not just us....I mean anyone, remember that they are human, just as you are. They do things they aren't proud of, just as you do, they love, just like you do, they cry, just like you do.  Remember that your questionable or bad choices are no better than theirs. Your sins are not above theirs. When you see a homeless person or someone that drives a worse car than you do or lives in a worse house than yours, just remember that you're no better than they are. We're all equal.
I have heard a lot of people say that they would never date anyone with a child. I've also heard parents say they don't want their kids dating someone with a child.  I encourage you to either keep that to yourself or have an open mind. At least around me. If my husband would have had that mentality then our family wouldn't exist. I've never heard him say anything of those sorts around anyone.  He has also never told anyone that Kadi "isn't his". Kadi has NEVER been a "step" anything to him or his family. Kadi is so lucky to have the family that she does. I will never forget the moment that Matt's family met her. It was never awkward or weird in any way. They all love her like they love the ones that share their same blood. I wish everyone could love like they have!
Moral of the story is, unless you have something nice or encouraging to say, don't say anything at all.
To Taylor, Betsy, Al, Lily and Emma: We're SO glad you're part of us <3

God is good all the time!

We're doing it! Just call us Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Breuer. Kadi is the definition of a perfect patient! 

Tuesday was the day we've been waiting on for two years. No more searching for doctors, no more anesthesia to have procedures, no more waiting 9 months to get into a specialist. No more anything! The night before, I had all sorts of things going through my head. What if Kadi gets the flu and we have to postpone? What if they don't work? What if she has horrible side effects? What if she's allergic? What if a tornado comes and sweeps us all away and we never get the chance to take them!? Then, there was peace. He told me it would be fine, and it was. Rian- our niece and Kadi's best friend came with us to support her through her appointment. Kadi was so brave. She measured in at 4ft 2in and 51 lbs. The nurse (a fellow gymnastics Mom of mine) walked us through how we administer the shots correctly. She let Kadi and Rian practice on a fake arm and then we did it! In and out in less than an hour. Kadi didn't even flinch. 

We have been taking turns at home and training future shot givers. Neither Grandma is thrilled with thought of giving them. Kadi says her Dad is the best shot giver so far. She says she doesn't even know he puts the needle in. Of course he's keeping his secrets from me so I don't become the new favorite. The biggest blessing so far has been the amount of food that is going in that kids mouth! She has always been a picky eater and the last year has been forced to eat at least 5 bites of what's on her plate. She is now clearing her plate for breakfast, lunch and dinner and then some! She is eating a midnight snack every night. Last night she wanted macaroni and cheese after dinner, two desserts, a bag of cheeze its and a bowl of popcorn. We give the shots around 8:00-9:00PM because night time is when natural growth hormone peaks. We notice about 30 minutes after her shot she is shoving food in her mouth faster than she can find it. 

I wanted to share something about giving. Matt and I try to give to others on a regular basis. It's not something we share a lot about because we believe in giving anonymously most of the time. However, we feel that when we give, we are generously repaid with Gods love. If we can share our experience and put it in the hearts of others to give then it's worth sharing! Here is just one of the most recent experiences we have had and it's something almost everyone is capable of doing.

Matt was in the McDonalds drive thru for lunch one day a couple of weeks ago. He paid for his meal with cash and was handed back his change. Normally, he would just drop it into the Ronald McDonald house donation box. This day he felt he should do something different. He said to himself that he was going to find someone personally in need of that money. He didn't find anyone that day, came home and prayed the the Lord would show him the way. He found someone the next day and went on with normal life. It was the very next day that we received the phone call about winning our appeal with Wellmark. Something that most people would never notice is gone could be the reason someones children get to eat that night. It could also be the reason we received that phone call the next day. Proverbs 19:17 says "Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed." Tithing is not just about writing your church a check every Sunday. If you give your money to the Lord in any way, you are guaranteed to be taken care of. We were told that insurance never pays more than 55% for growth hormone shots. If you don't know how much they are, they're insanely expensive. This means Matt and I were having to prepare for a $1,200- $2,000 out of pocket monthly expense for the next seven years while Kadi is taking her shots. What do you do!? She has to have them. What if it's less than 55% that they pay? What if they don't pay at all!? If it's one thing I know now, you can't say "what if." He provided. When the pharmacy that ships us the shots called to set everything up I cringed and asked how much our portion per month would be. "I'm glad you asked," the lady said. "We have actually never seen an insurance company ever pay as much as yours is. Your cost per month is $70.00 and right now there is a savings card available that pays for 12 co pays, so your cost is nothing." WHAAAAT!!??!! Just another blessing in the books. However, just because he blesses his followers, doesn't mean he doesn't keep you on your toes. This week alone I had to call poison control on Breckyn for the 5th time in a year because she sucked a whole dose of Kadi's medication out of the syringe. Don't worry, she's fine. She also learned to climb my shoe shelves in my closet, drank half a tube of toothpaste and pushed Jersi head first on to the floor at the Grimes ice cream shop. There's one in every family is what my Dad would say :)

Until next time....

So this is life

I created this blog for many reasons. I receive a lot of questions and Facebook messages about multiple parts of our lives. I am a pretty transparent person and I feel that I have been blessed with an amazing life. I have fallen along the way....a lot. Luckily I have a great support system that helps me back up. I have a lot of topics to write about. Love, sacrifice, addiction, motherhood, adoption, medical issues, balancing a family of five. Things people want to know about but that some are afraid to ask. Let's get one thing straight- writing is not my gift. I write like I talk. As most people know, I don't speak in the most proper way. I like to stand out from the crowd. I know, I know...it's a gift. :o)

 

Lets start with the first topic I mentioned- LOVE. What a powerful word. I'm not sure I truly knew what love meant until I met the man I call my husband. Sure, we have days that both of us want to tell each other to take a hike, but most days our life is filled with laughter (a lot of laughter), joy and love. There are days that I look at Matt and wonder what I did for God to choose me for him. I can't believe how lucky I got. Matt is involved in all of the topics I will write about- why wouldn't he be, right? What some don't know is he is the focal point of a lot of the above topics. We will get to that later. 

The person I will focus on in the coming weeks is Kadi. Our most intriguing child. The one that people immediately ask about when they come up to me at church, the grocery store, family functions etc...Here is her story:

Kaydence Jenae "Kadi" was born on June 10th, 2004 at 6:56PM. I was 18 years old. I had NO clue what I was doing. I thought I was a good mom, but I'm pretty sure that was just my mom feeding me a line of bull because she was there every time I turned around. My mom would come over to my house every other day to give Kadi a bath because I was terrified I would drop her. I guess those are the things that make the difference between a teen mom and a "normal aged mom". Kadi's birth dad has never met her. He doesn't want to meet her. In fact, when it came time to sign rights over, my lawyer said he had never gotten papers back so quickly. She will never know him. Does that bother me- not at all. She has a Dad. 

I met Matt when Kadi was 17 months old. I was terrified of him meeting her in case something between us didn't work out, but he eventually did. I still have the sized 18mo outfit he brought her all wrapped up the night he met her. 

From the time she was born every time we would go somewhere, people would comment on how tiny she was. She was born at 7lbs 3oz. Most would think that is an average sized baby. For some reason that girl couldn't work herself out of preemie clothes for three months though. I would take her to her well child check ups and the Dr. would always say "She is small, but she is growing, that's what matters."

Everything changed in May 2013. We went on a two week family vacation with my  family. It was probably the most memorable vacation for Kadi since we went to Disney World when she was 3. She had a list of everything she wanted to do in those two weeks and we did EVERYTHING! When we weren't out on excursions like bay fishing or a dolphin tour, Kadi and Jersi were swimming in the pool at our vacation house. They swam and swam and swam. At the end of the two weeks, I think Kadi was the only one not ready to come home. She was what society would refer to as a "normal child". 

When we came home, our world as we knew it stopped. No more fun, no more social activities, no more friends....nothing. Kadi went to bed one night as her normal, fun self. The next morning she wouldn't go outside. Anxiety took over her life in 12 hours. It came out as a fear of bugs. We aren't talking about the I see a bee and run 5 feet away from it kind- (because I do that! You do too- admit it.) We are talking the kind of fear that ruins your life. We were driving home from my parents house one night (25 miles) and Kadi saw a fly in the van. She unbuckled her seat belt, started hyper-ventilating and trying to jump out the back window, going 70mph down the interstate. All danger from surroundings became oblivious to her. She would run in front of a moving car if it meant getting away from a gnat! 

We spent the whole summer visiting psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists etc... If there was someone referred to us, we went! Of course getting Kadi from the house to the car in the garage at 7-8 months pregnant was a job on its own. All anyone wanted to do was shove medication down her throat. I was desperate and didn't know any different, so I let them. Kadi slowly started going outside right before the start of 3rd grade. She was good for about 9 months. In spring 2014, when she started wearing shorts again I saw she had itty bitty bruises all over her legs. She would also disappear into the bathroom for long periods of time. I caught her picking at her skin so bad it would bruise. She had picked all of the hair on her legs out. I set out for help again. I was told by her psychiatrist that it means her anxiety is flaring up and she needs more medication. I didn't have a good feeling and set out for a different opinion. We wen't to a mental health PA instead. She is WONDERFUL! She backed Kadi off of all her anxiety meds except one small dose. Her bug fear was gone, her picking was gone. Things were good! 

Yeah right- Here comes summer. Kadi quits eating. Out of no where. Just stops. Eats nothing. Not even one bite. She loses 3lbs in one month and falls off the charts. We head back to specialists. Her GI Dr. guesses its because she feels terrible when she eats so he puts her through multiple procedures testing for Celiac, Chrones, Ulcerative Colitis etc... Nothing. Everything looks great. Of course it does, why would this be easy!? More testing. He puts her on a high fat/calorie diet that included 8 slices of bacon a day, ice cream after every single meal and 2 bottles of Pediasure a day. We come back a month later and she has only gained ounces. Something is wrong. He continues the diet and bumps it up to 4 Pediasure's a day. A month later she gains a couple pounds. Everyone is thrilled. He removes her from the high fat diet because who are we kidding- no one can eat like that for long. The next month- she lost all the weight she gained. He of course, refers us on. 

We go to Iowa City in Decemeber of 2014. They are WONDERFUL!! I can't say enough about how well we were treated. They do a complete makeup of Kadi's genetics. We received the results 6 weeks later that she has one tiny deletion on Chromosome #1's long arm. Unfortunately, it means nothing. There are no side effects from the small imperfection. They did take a screening for growth hormone levels which came back low. They refer us on and tell us to be prepared to hear that it's nothing again because a screening doesn't mean her levels are low all the time. Matt and I prayed and had the discussion that we were going to meet with the Endocrinologist and have her growth hormone tested. If it came back normal, we both agreed we were done and were just going to trust that God would guide us in the right direction. We both would walk to the end of the world for her but when you see your child constantly poked and prodded, it wears on you that you're the one choosing to have this done to them. The results came back extremely low- we were praising Him for this news! Could we actually have found something!? Kadi had to go through a difficult 5 hour infusion so they could see how her body produces Growth Hormones. Less than a week later the results are in- SHE DOESN'T! At some point (my guess is when she quit eating) her pituitary gland decided that it wanted to shut off that little part and not produce.It was an answer to many prayers! She will have to have one growth hormone shot a day until she is roughly 18. We can handle that!  She went through an MRI (AWAKE!) to rule out a brain tumor and then she would receive her shots! Wrong. Insurance denied her claim due to 4.8cm of growth in the last two years. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that's not normal! We fought Wellmark and submitted an appeal. We were told it would take up to a year because the doctors that review the case usually have their client's (Wellmark) best interest and not some case number kid on a piece of paper. Once again, we turned to prayer. We asked God that the Dr's would see Kadi as a real, 10 year old girl instead of a statistic. It worked! On Friday- May 22nd, 2015- TWO years after this journey started, her case is approved and she is getting her shots! We go in to Blank for training on how to give them to her next Tuesday. Stay tuned for updates!